Bellalove (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} charminghands) wrote,@ 2008-04-17 10:38:00 |
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I'm back! kind of...
Back from my trip to California. It was as I guessed, Difficult. In all senses of the word. Difficult to see my mother so feeble, difficult to deal with both of them and difficult to throw a baby into the mix. Luckily S was there for the first week, then my friend Jenni came out for 3 days at the end to help with the Big D.
I have very mixed emotions about the trip, and it has manifested itself as a nasty cold/flu. We fought, of course. I feel bad about it, but it gets really hard to completely give over to every comment and demand. I am no Dalai Lama I have come to realize. I should have been a bit more accepting. It's really hard on them. The fact my mother can't walk on her own and will she? This will change their entire lives if she can't. And even if she does, will it just come back to do it over again. They both said to me they were not sure they could handle this again. I don't blame them. But what do you do. My Dad has always told me he would want his trusty handgun near by. Yes, shocking, but in my family, I wouldn't be surprised.
My mother spends her days in bed. She does nothing but listen to Rush and watch TV. I tried to get her back into doing crafty things. She use to love that. It didn't work and ended up getting us all in a fight. Well, a fight would of happened. I realize my family lives on a higher level of drama than others, fights are inevitable. I cooked healthy meals for dinner. Although they were eaten, no changes will be made. I modified her exercise routine as asked, sinceI have a bit more knowledge about the muscles than my father, and showed it to him. But his routine is still in tact. I tried to help. I tried to create change. I really feel things need to change to make difference. But they are unwilling. I think the only thing I did that worked was wait on her. A woman that use to have control of everything, now, needing very specific things to eat, including very specific ways they are to be made. They have a woman who comes out to wait on her. This is what she does, same thing, same foods every day. This is not a life to be lived. But I guess it is the life they choose to live at this point.
It's hard preparing yourself for the loss of a parent. It might happen tomorrow or ten years from now. It sucks.
Back from my trip to California. It was as I guessed, Difficult. In all senses of the word. Difficult to see my mother so feeble, difficult to deal with both of them and difficult to throw a baby into the mix. Luckily S was there for the first week, then my friend Jenni came out for 3 days at the end to help with the Big D.
I have very mixed emotions about the trip, and it has manifested itself as a nasty cold/flu. We fought, of course. I feel bad about it, but it gets really hard to completely give over to every comment and demand. I am no Dalai Lama I have come to realize. I should have been a bit more accepting. It's really hard on them. The fact my mother can't walk on her own and will she? This will change their entire lives if she can't. And even if she does, will it just come back to do it over again. They both said to me they were not sure they could handle this again. I don't blame them. But what do you do. My Dad has always told me he would want his trusty handgun near by. Yes, shocking, but in my family, I wouldn't be surprised.
My mother spends her days in bed. She does nothing but listen to Rush and watch TV. I tried to get her back into doing crafty things. She use to love that. It didn't work and ended up getting us all in a fight. Well, a fight would of happened. I realize my family lives on a higher level of drama than others, fights are inevitable. I cooked healthy meals for dinner. Although they were eaten, no changes will be made. I modified her exercise routine as asked, sinceI have a bit more knowledge about the muscles than my father, and showed it to him. But his routine is still in tact. I tried to help. I tried to create change. I really feel things need to change to make difference. But they are unwilling. I think the only thing I did that worked was wait on her. A woman that use to have control of everything, now, needing very specific things to eat, including very specific ways they are to be made. They have a woman who comes out to wait on her. This is what she does, same thing, same foods every day. This is not a life to be lived. But I guess it is the life they choose to live at this point.
It's hard preparing yourself for the loss of a parent. It might happen tomorrow or ten years from now. It sucks.
